Reflections – Part II – A True Dominant Woman

By: Domina Cinara - July 30th, 2011

Domina Cinara, a dangerously beautiful lifestyle dominatrix…
Uncompromising… unashamed… embracing who she is without remorse.
Male or female… willing or unwilling… she devours her prey.
More than just a dominant woman she is the epitome of an alpha female.
A dark seductress of female domination and femdom BDSM.

My Personal Reflections – Part II – A True Dominant Woman


Dominant Woman

(By: Domina Cinara) For some reason, human beings have a natural tendency to try to categorize one another in the most simplistic of ways. We make snap judgments based on very little evidence, and then tend to hold onto those conclusions long after we’ve received greater input that should make us reconsider what we thought.

It’s a sadly common characteristic, born perhaps of a desire to feel a degree of control in a world of ever changing social contacts. If we can easily box people away in simplistic categories that make sense to us… we feel more comfortable… we think we know what to expect from that person and what interaction with them might lead to.

Childish high school cliques are the most common example of this… demonstrated from two distinct angles. That of the desire to label… and even be labeled. The want to feel like you know what each person “is”… merged with the want to feel like you know where you belong. (The latter seems motivated in part by the teenage desire to move beyond the shadow of parental identity to be an individual with identity of your own… and the want to “fit in with a crowd” of approving peers that shares your “type”… even if fitting in means taking the self-defeating route to sacrificing a large chunk of your individuality just to belong.)

I’ve always hated that.

I fell into it to some degree like everyone does when I was a kid… but thankfully I wised up fast. It felt too much like “sheep” for me… both in what you were supposed to do as part of a “group” and how you were supposed to think about other “groups” not your own. Like I was being told what to do… and that didn’t sit well with me very long. (yeah, the first bits of the future dominant woman, manifesting in the dominant little girl ~grinz~)

Sadly, what we experience as children shapes us into the adults we become… and so these childhood practices get carried on in their own way into maturity, going a long way towards conditioning our future behaviors.

But just because there’s a natural tendency to do these things… doesn’t change the fact that it’s a very shallow and simpleminded course to continue to follow. And one that can fall flat on it‘s face very easily.

While most people may look easy to figure out on the surface, the reality of what is underneath is much more complex and will often surprise you.

That thought was one of the prime motivating factor’s for me when I wrote the original series of these essays. I got tired of people assuming I was a stereotype. Because I was a dominatrix, they jumped to assume I must also fit nicely into this box of other convenient things. My childhood and past… my present activities… and my future intentions… all just had to fit this preconceived notion that they wanted desperately to hold onto.


People are far more complex than categories… and this is especially true of me.

Those who get to know me at first think I am full of surprises and contradiction… but that is only because they are still clinging to the stereotypes even as they try to look beyond the surface of what they thought I was.

Reality is… I don’t fit the assumptions and stereotypes… but all that I am fits together perfectly.

And any surprises are born of how I don’t fit the expected mold.

I’ll give you a few examples…

Yes, I am a lifestyle and professional dominatrix… but I also have a masters degree in Biochemistry. I don’t work in that field and don’t really intend to… it just interests me so I focused my studies on that through college and graduate school… along with philosophy, history and political science. I’m highly educated and yet I choose to be a dominatrix… because I enjoy what I am.

I first got involved with BDSM when I was in high school, and I first worked as a professional dominatrix late in my teenage years. I made these decisions because I wanted to and I wanted this life. I wasn’t a high school dropout and I don’t “do” femdom BDSM because I’m some punk street shit that needs extra money when I’m not stripping.

And no… my daddy did not molest me. I did not have a messed up childhood. I’ve never been all that into drugs or any of that nonsense, and I don’t have a drug problem now. Sorry to disappoint ~laughs~.

I am a true dominant woman. Highly intelligent… undoubtedly superior… fucking damn beautiful.

Now as a highly intelligent, dominant woman… wouldn’t it stand to reason that my interests and behaviors would fit my intelligence?

Think about it… if it seems odd to you a woman with my intelligence and background would choose to be a dominatrix… well, how would you define the type of woman who is supposed to be a true dominatrix… a truly superior dominant woman?

What is female domination… just a hot girl being bitchy and yelling a lot at men who want to be yelled at? So only alpha males can be dominant in the sense that goes along with intelligence, a strong will and leadership qualities?

Is it that I don’t fit the mold… or that the mold has been seriously short changed by the reality of the crap that all to often claims to be a dominatrix?

Is it me that seems the exception… or is it all of these pretend-dommes you see online, babbling about superiority and female domination, that don’t truly fit what a real dominant woman should be?

What they are… are characters.

Characters are born of simplistic molds that they are expected to fit nicely into. They are easy to understand and comfortable to deal with because they are as shallow as a snap judgment… and they are easy to play because they have a limited set of expectations… and once you know the stereotype you can plug yourself in.

People playing characters fit the natural human tendency to want to categorize one another in the most simplistic of ways… and they are comfortable to deal with because you know what to expect.

But a character is a shallow construct… and a true dominatrix… a true dominant woman, cannot be shallow.

So a clash occurs between what people have come to expect a dominatrix to be, due to the mass of characters online… versus what a truly dominant woman is in real life.

The tendency to “categorize” and “self-categorize” is highly prevalent in the BDSM community. People believe a dominatrix should fit a defined “type” and that’s it… a cheap one dimensional character. You are “this” and you do “that”, and you do it “these ways”… and that’s all you are… which is just plan stupid if what you are talking about is a real person.

It’s why you find so many “BDSM guides” written… people telling each other how to be a dominant woman… which usually comes down to just a guide to using a whip or fetish sex or some other shit that again has zero to do with being a dominant woman, but everything to do with playing a character… this time one in the “bedroom dungeon.”

And it’s even more narrow in something like female domination phone sex. The expectation there is that you “do” a list of things and that’s it. Like plug in your fetish and the appropriate dominatrix pops up to respond. Just be a bitch and yell, and you’ll be fine. Pathetic.

I’m not an entry on a fucking fetish menu… waiting to be “ordered”.

I’m a real person not a character. The pieces of my personality fit together perfectly resulting in a very well rounded, complex human being that is the epitome of an alpha female.

And since I am a real person… behaving as is natural to me… motivated by what I am… there is much more depth to me than there is most people, let alone any pretend character.

With that, there is much more depth to my relationships, both professional and personal.

Domina Cinara
Domination Phone Sex


A Demoness

I’m young and beautiful, tall and shapely, very intelligent and well read, assertive, deliberate, confident in manner and speech, confrontational, blunt, a touch caustic, calculating, manipulating, and thoroughly ruthless when the mood takes me. At first glance one would never think I possess a rather dark soul with a nasty sadistic streak. I can be cruel and exploitative, but that does not mean I can’t be kind or even affectionate. For years friends have said that I have the heart of a demoness… because I see people for what they can do or be for me… and when I want something from them, I will have it.

Those I pass on the street see a confident young woman, easily capable of turning heads and making men stare… but they would never guess what kind of horror lurks behind the smile in my eyes.


My Voice

I’ve said that my personality and interests well fit who I am… the same holds true of my voice. It fits my personality and my beauty. But people tend to assume that my voice will have a more “evil” or even ugly tone… the harsh and nasty voice of a bitch accustomed to yelling at slaves… or a raspy, edgy thing that would be in line with my darker tastes.

I have a lovely voice. I have a beautiful face and body too. They don’t exactly fit the image of a monster either. A demoness is a beautiful thing… and all the more dangerous for that deceptive beauty.

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Comments (1)

One Response to “Reflections – Part II – A True Dominant Woman”

  1. W Says:

    Thank you for starting this blog. It’s refreshing and I look forward to reading more about you and your thoughts.

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